Futuristic Words

Oh, Onion News Network, you are a constant source of amusement.

All my creative attention has turned to my novel, a fantasy piece set in the modern day I plan to officially start for National Novel Writing Month. I’m 28, and I’ve had a book lingering in my brain for as long as I can remember. Time to put up or shut up.

It’s been a strange week in the world of skin and whispers. In two cases, Breakthrough Comfort did its thing, and even though I was explicit about the terms of the respective relationships, it did not assuage the angst these girls felt. An LJBF converted (again, BTC) and another reverted (she found a boyfriend). Some old flames returned, and some insanely beautiful women arbitrarily started qualifying themselves to me in a context outside stand-up comedy. Also, some very special drama manifested regarding two ex-girlfriends. Fuck, I am exhausted.

Braddock and I talked about same-night seduction when he was leading his seventy-two workshops in New York recently. If this year’s been any indication, I’ve found a way to generate the same intense results in a night—in an hour sometimes—but Braddock predicted the complication of girls getting too attached too quickly, i.e. the difficulty in modulating the Destiny/Golden Mirror switches in the Breakthrough Comfort model. He and Helicase and dahunter strongly favor a Shock and Awe model, with heavy teasing and strong logistical control mixed with unrelenting escalation. I bristle at the notion of walking into a venue as a wrecking ball of sexuality—it feels very Night at the Roxbury to me– but I don’t see an alternative if I don’t want girls crying over my behavior and raging about their senses of entitlement* when it comes to potential relationships.

I bristle because I go out of my way, perhaps too far out of my way, to practice empathy. One of the more insidious aspects of dating so much is a forced nonchalance to any eventuality. This girl will do this in this amount of time, this girl will do that. It’s true that people will always surprise you on a long enough timeline, but they are also predictable within a certain model. It takes a lot of contortion and comfort and peeling away layers of vulnerability before you can see any individual’s special snowflake, and with a lot of people all you find is the ORE that will eventually allow for such a unique design. Young girls especially are unrefined potential, usually, and it’s rare to find a fully-formed, fully-conscious 21-year-old (of either sex, really). Constantly seeing the same behaviors over and over again can make a man jaded and start to believe the SUISC truism that makes me bite through my tongue with anger: she’s not special. Ugh. Every time I see it or hear it or think it or—God help me—believe it, I want to stab the nearest baby. The world is a cold, ugly place if you don’t endeavor to find each individual’s specific human dignity. Shit, even if I eventually discover that I despise a given person, I hope I can do so after unraveling the real person beneath the persona he or she wears when facing the world at large.

Big Business pointed out that thus to really connect, you have to maintain a perfect dichotomy of opposite feelings: you have to believe in your gut that She is not special, this girl you’re talking to, because she won’t be attracted to someone who rewards her for that which she has not earned… yet you must be ready to connect at the soul-level when the chance presents itself if you’re going to have a romantic/sexual/intimate experience with any meaning.

For all the pain of separation in this past week, I have had much joy in connection; I have ridden a sine curve. The drama has been hard on my heart but educational. I am blessed to have this perspective.

Also, there is no love in the world. Only pain:

Future