I will be giving the talk at Columbia today. I’ve spent the last week tearing apart dating science ideas for the sake of the wider audience of a business school crowd, a group different from a normal Love Systems class because a.) they probably don’t have sex/romance as an ulterior motive and b.) the class [...]
Savoy is like a groundhog pimp. When he comes out of hiding it’s a big deal. Once a year he runs the Advanced Boot Camp at the Playboy Mansion. This program is not like the normal Love Systems Comprehensive Workshop. We assume you will be able and willing to approach. We assume you have some [...]
Starlight posted a nice little piece about our Asian adventures on his blog here.
Asia is weird because you’re always running face-first into a societally enforced limiting belief that is, as usual, highly destructible in the face of a strong frame, comfortable escalation, and an understanding of female psychology.
5 MARCH 2010
“I want to get good with girls. I want to find the right one. I want to meet my wife, and I want to have a daughter. Then I want to protect my daughter from guys like me.”
7 MARCH 2010
“It’s been really nice talking to you ladies, but I think it’s time for you to give me your wallet.”
9 MARCH 2010
“At what point does caring what you look like become vanity, and at what point does vanity become a problem?”
“Whatever, I’m hot.”
18 MARCH 2010
[said to a half-black, half-Middle Eastern girl] DAN: “I find your lack of rhythm ethnically implausible.”
3 APRIL 2010
HER: “What sign are you?”
ME: “Aquarius. What about you. Are you a Gemini or a Leo?”
HER: “I’m a Leo.”
ME: “And what sign are your breasts?”
HER: “Sagittarius. December 12.”
23 APRIL 2010
ME: “Dan, we may have to invent new funeral procedures for you. I don’t think you should be burned or cremated. I think you should be bronzed.”
DAN: “I’m not going to die.”
25 APRIL 2010
“Lady, don’t ever take a walk of shame. That is the stride of pride.”
“She was so hot she was charred. I expected to find grill marks on her back when I took her shirt off.”
MAY 2010
GIRL: “I don’t even know you.”
Guy gets out his phone.
GIRL: “What are you doing?”
GUY: “I’m calling my mom, so I can get to know you before we go back to my place.”
2 JUNE 2010
GIRL: “You have B.O. You smell like a smelly man.”
GUY: “Bullshit. I smell like hunter/gatherer.”
8 JUNE 2010
GIRL: “What does your tattoo mean?”
ME: “What should I fear, so soon to die?”
GIRL: “So you’re saying you have HIV?”
Jeremy Soul recently posted a terrific blog entry about his contentment with his love life that was pretty great, but that’s not really news. Jeremy is a juggernaut of killer content. The reason I’m writing this post is to draw attention to a post to which he linked in his most recent update that really spoke to me.
Jeremy Soul on Quality vs Quantity in Love/Sex Relationships
I don’t think I have much to say to add to the discussion there except to say I am constantly torn between the virtues of quantity and quality. On the one hand, I have the libido of a 13-year-old boy, and I am constantly attracting women who want to sleep with me as a side effect and virtue of my job. On the other hand the reason I teach qualification the way I do is to help men develop standards for themselves and not go to sleep in the bed next to somebody while feeling utterly alone. There are only so many minutes in the day and so many days in our lives, and if you taint your moments with too many people the disappearance of whose numbers would not affect you, you need to unfuck your dating pool.
Qualification is how you do this, which is why I tell my students that qualification is the most important part of seduction, but that tends to fly out the window when I am faced with a beautiful creature staring at me adoringly through almondine eyes even though she can’t form a coherent sentence (if I’ve dated you and you’re reading this, I’m probably not talking about you. Unless it’s you. Yes, you. You know who you are, clown shoes. You’re the reason I had to develop standards for myself.)
I don’t have an answer. I’ve been on every conceivable side of infidelity outside of breaking the boundaries of my own marriage. I have dated up and down the social, intellectual, and aesthetic totem pole. While I’d love to say I have Soul’s restraint when it comes to spoon-feeding idiot children who were blessed with a visually pleasing phenotype, I cannot say so honestly. I’m a wunderkind when it comes to enforcing my boundaries, but I definitely find myself in situations where I should know better because, duh, I provided validation for inadequate qualification.
Anyway, yeah. Soul’s a genius.
While I’m pimping other instructors’ blogs, I have to single out Braddock’s post on having fun when going out. I try to hammer this point with my students, and I think Braddock’s example of the “Boo” game is arguably one of the funniest and best examples of group-based hi jinks I’ve ever heard of. I laughed out loud when I read that post. Braddock and Helicase are frigging hilarious.
Alright guys, it’s here. [There is a video that cannot be displayed in this feed. Visit the blog entry to see the video.] Beyond Words: Body Language and Physical Escalation with Cajun and Vercetti Love Systems is not the Mercedes Benz of dating companies. We are the Maserati of dating companies. Not just any old [...]
There’s a lot of really cool stuff coming down the Love Systems pipeline this week. First and foremost is the language and physical escalation DVD with Vercetti and Cajun. I already jizzed all over them yesterday, so I’ll hold back my effusion this time. I can’t put it more plainly than if you are reading this [...]
Savoy already posted t his on his blog, and Cajun originally sent it out to the LS internal mailing list, but I found it so interesting I wanted to repost it here. Enjoy.
There are a handful of changes men can make to dramatically improve their skills with women. It’s no secret that one of the secrets to learning Love Systems is keeping conversations going. I’ve made a big deal on this blog about the importance of opening– not even opening well, just opening. Managing logistics and the [...]
People on the Internet have funny ideas. Even now, reading this, there is someone thinking, “Future doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Surely I can improve my skillz with the ladies by listening to ‘Eye of the Tiger’ on loop and reading The Attraction Forums in between instance runs!”
No, you can’t.
If you want to learn how to pick up the girls you want instead of stumbling into whatever relationship you eventually settle for, you have to stand up, put one foot in front of the other, and approach the girls you want. If you want to get good you have to rack up the approaches.
On any given night, the first three don’t count. Talk to whoever you see, add a few sentences to conversations with EVERYONE, and otherwise stretch your social muscles. I’ll add to that and stress the importance of momentum when opening. Every week I see some dude approach a girl and congratulate himself on his courage by taking a 15 or 20 minute load off, usually with a drink. If you want to get to the heart of your game, you have to approach until it’s not a big deal. For most of our students this is around their third or fourth interaction with a cute girl, so long as they maintain momentum. If they take 20 minute breaks, they sometimes never get comfortable with the approach, which is a shitty mental habit to build.
After that comes the long term picture. You might want to sit down: the first 1000 approaches don’t count. You have no idea what sort of social pressure you can really handle. You have no idea how quickly you can think on your feet. Until you’ve approached 1000 strangers, you are still shaping and reconfiguring your style. At our recommended clip of 40 approaches a week, that equals roughly six months of consistent practice. If you actually want to get GOOD tack another six months on. The evidence for your improvement will present itself in those first 1000 sets, but it will take another six months before you snap your fingers and realize you’ve made huge strides.
Now, what if you don’t approach? I see this all the time. Guys will come to me for a one-on-one or phone consultation six months or a year after they’ve taken a Love Systems workshop. They haven’t made any progress, and they are frustrated to be sitting in front of me again. One of the very first questions I ask is, “How much have you been practicing?” Invariably, it’s not much. Contrast that with the student who comes back, fire in his eyes, with a new set of problems we never could have known about on his workshop because he had not done the work yet. The difference between the two is night and day. One is a boring night for me bec ause most of the work is cheerleading and shoving the guy in the back. The other is worth my time, tweaking tiny parts of the guy’s game, pointing out stuff he might not have been given direct feedback about, fine-tuning his observations regarding the Logistical and Physical Progression Models.
If you are frustrated with the lack of quality women in your life, you need to go out and find them.*
Next, #3: Keep Talking, Even When It Gets Awkward
If you are frustrated with the quality of the women in your life and you’re already approaching, you have a problem with Qualification.
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