5 MARCH 2010
“I want to get good with girls. I want to find the right one. I want to meet my wife, and I want to have a daughter. Then I want to protect my daughter from guys like me.”
7 MARCH 2010
“It’s been really nice talking to you ladies, but I think it’s time for you to give me your wallet.”
9 MARCH 2010
“At what point does caring what you look like become vanity, and at what point does vanity become a problem?”
“Whatever, I’m hot.”
18 MARCH 2010
[said to a half-black, half-Middle Eastern girl] DAN: “I find your lack of rhythm ethnically implausible.”
3 APRIL 2010
HER: “What sign are you?”
ME: “Aquarius. What about you. Are you a Gemini or a Leo?”
HER: “I’m a Leo.”
ME: “And what sign are your breasts?”
HER: “Sagittarius. December 12.”
23 APRIL 2010
ME: “Dan, we may have to invent new funeral procedures for you. I don’t think you should be burned or cremated. I think you should be bronzed.”
DAN: “I’m not going to die.”
25 APRIL 2010
“Lady, don’t ever take a walk of shame. That is the stride of pride.”
“She was so hot she was charred. I expected to find grill marks on her back when I took her shirt off.”
MAY 2010
GIRL: “I don’t even know you.”
Guy gets out his phone.
GIRL: “What are you doing?”
GUY: “I’m calling my mom, so I can get to know you before we go back to my place.”
2 JUNE 2010
GIRL: “You have B.O. You smell like a smelly man.”
GUY: “Bullshit. I smell like hunter/gatherer.”
8 JUNE 2010
GIRL: “What does your tattoo mean?”
ME: “What should I fear, so soon to die?”
GIRL: “So you’re saying you have HIV?”
