Futuristic Words

“Instructors / advanced guys: here’s sticking point I have that I’d appreciate some help in. It’s talking to girls while in bed. I’m usually silent, or will just say something like “do you like that,” “does that feel good,” or “that feels good,” all of which are pretty damn generic, unexciting, and not reflective of what I’m actually thinking. Even when a girl asks me what I want her to do, or what I’m thinking, I rarely respond with anything more than a 2 word answer. I’m honestly just shy about telling a girl that I love fucking her, telling her how good her pussy feels, etc. I know it would really make sex better and more enjoyable for me (probably for her too?), but part of me is afraid that she’d be like “that’s weird dude.” Did you ever encounter this yourself? Is there anything I can do besides “JUST DO IT” or is there a way to ease into it that you’ve found worked for you when you were just learning?

To which I replied…

A student of mine recently posted the following to the Lounge:

“What’s up everyone? I took my bootcamp back in Miami back in 2006…with Future and some other instructors. It was an amazing experience, and really catapulted my game to a strong level. I was getting GREAT results consistently.

Shortly after that, I met my (ex)wife. She was hot, sexy, accomplished…and fucking crazy. We were together just under 2 years…now I’m back out on the scene:/”

To which I replied…

Sexually direct game is one of those things that you must play around with, and it will absolutely become a mainstay in your toolkit, but it will still be just another tool. Subtext is most definitely more important than anything else. When you communicate through your vocal tonality, your body language, and your facial expressions (especially eye contact), that you are a sexual threat, girls will respond at a visceral level. I think a mistake a lot of guys make is they think the way the idiot in the previous post did, that you start the conversation by talking about boning her. It’s not like that at all.

Today a student and I were enjoying some comestibles while discussing game when our waitress encroached to ask us for our orders. While custom dictates that I may enjoy prima nocta with her– she’s MY waitress, after all– I restrained myself and merely flirted. I asked her something about proper flirting, something about the right time to show interest. I strongly discourage you impressionable readers from taking dating advice from actual women because it’s sort of like asking Mike Tyson where to buy a rape kit. Even if he knew how to clearly articulate the answer he’d punch you before giving it to you. And then he’d cry because that one crack about his outfit made him feel fat. Okay, maybe  we should leave Mike Tyson out of this.

Anyway, I punched my ticket to the crazy train and asked a girl about the proper way to open a fetching young 6 like her. Snapping my fingers and pointing to my crotch (aka Italian foreplay)? No dice.

Then she dropped the bomb. Someone out there is misusing my goodies. Bust it:

THE 6 WHO BRINGS ME MY FOOD: “This one guy stopped and said he thought I was hot, and when I told him thanks and have a nice day he said, ‘No, I’m trying to get into your pants.‘ I was like, ‘Uhhhhh…’

ME: “Ho-ho-ho! What mirth that line induces in me! You are both eloquent and elegant!”

Some of you might recognize the red text as a close variant on a line I came up with that’s made of fucking platinum. Platinum. As in, if you haven’t been speaking enough to get your tongue muscles worked out, that line will break your face because it’s so awesome. But not when it’s delivered like you’re an ESL student paying his tuition with a scholarship grant  from the Survivors of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

I understand that not everyone has a clear understanding of the Love Systems Triad Model. I try to write about things that are interesting to me because I have non-students who read this blog and I’d like it to be useful to the group of people who don’t need a flow-chart to carry on a basic conversation. I don’t mean a flow-chart to get into a woman’s pants. That’s the kind of treasure map I can get behind. I mean the sort of person who clams up with social anxiety when his mother asks if he wants leftovers. You, sir, should not be using my shit without taking a workshop to learn the moving parts that inform it. Just kidding. All the other leads booked workshops right up until the 2012 Apocalypse in America, so you’ll just have to book a one-on-one to hear me drop the kind of truth bombs I’m about to here impart.

First, check out DaHunter’s article on Sexual Hoops. It’s so good your body can use it as nourishment for a week after you read it.

Now, the “I’m trying to get into your pants” bit is an example of the second sexual hoop. You’re making your intention more solid without being sexually explicit.

Now listen up, Dorothy: sexual hoops fall somewhere under Qualification, in that if you try to employ them without some investment from the girl you might as well be trying to maneuver her into a windowless van. Whatever else qualification is (read: Future doesn’t want to really go into qualification here), it’s the part where you validate a girl for investing in you. While validating her, you tell her you’re trying to get into her pants as the tail end of a serious compliment. That is how it works. The way the simpleton above used the line makes it seem like his magical erection is somehow going to entice interest from her. Genius, she knows you want to fuck her. The reason my line is so money is that when most guys try to compliment their way into a girl’s pants they leave the sexuality in the subtext. A girl doesn’t trust the compliment because he assumes the guy is trying to get into her pants. If you pay her a legit compliment and add, “… and I mean that, even though I’m totally trying to get into your pants,” then it gives her a little more incentive to believe whatever nice thing you just said.

I hope the guy above reads this in between servings of paste.

A former student of mine, who goes by the alias TheTrain, recently made a post on the Love Systems private forum (The Lounge), in which he asked a question about attraction. I spent a long time on the reply, and I felt it might be worth it to repeat here, since this is a perennial student problem.

TheTrain:

I took a bootcamp a month ago and one of the helpful things we did was make a list of our mastery topics, to give us an idea of what direction we should take the conversation in the first few minutes.

My list was filled with things that all girls, especially those who frequent bars and clubs, love to talk about, such as board game strategy (particularly Settlers of Catan).

The advice I got in the bootcamp, which was reinforced in the interview series episode that Soul and Starlight did on conversation techniques, was that it’s ok to talk about nerdy things, you just need to filter them through the attraction switches.

I read a helpful blog post written by Future here, and he said to focus on these five attraction switches -
1.) Preselection
2.) Leadership
3.) Protection
4.) Non-Reactiveness / Not Seeking Reaction
5.) Willingness to Walk Away

I’m having problems putting all of this into action. I’m not completely hopeless, I have some more reasonable mastery topics that I’m trying to focus on, specifically: film, travelling, and sports (tennis, sailing, basketball). However these aren’t the things I’m most interested in, and with the exception of travelling I can’t think of any (true) stories I could tell that would hit those attraction switches.

I don’t understand exactly how we’re supposed to approach the mastery topics. With certain topics, such as travel, it’s easy to talk broadly about why I enjoy travelling and then tell a couple travel stories that hit the attraction switches above. However, how can you tell a story about film? How can you hit any of those attraction switches when talking about film?

I was running into this a lot:
Have you seen *movie*?
No
Oh. I really liked it, you should see it.

After reading Future’s article I realize that one of the things I could be doing much better is talking about things in a way that conveys emotional interest. He suggested finishing statements like “You know what I love?” I went out tonight and tried that, and it seemed a little better. I sort of prepared this and said something along these lines to a girl:

‘I saw The Tree of Life last week. Have you seen it? I loved it, it w as one of those love or h ate movies, everyone has a strong reaction to it. I thought it was incredibly moving and original, there was no trite message like in so many Hollywood films, it was thought provoking and challenging and I could closely identify with a lot of the elements in the story. I went to see it with my friend (should I change this to “my sexy female friend”?). When the movie ended I was almost in tears, I turned to my friend and all I could think of to say was “Wow.” He looked at me and said “I know, 2 1/2 hours we’ll never get back.” He hated it! I couldn’t believe it, we argued in the car the whole way home. Then I read that the film was booed at the Cannes film festival, but also won the Palme d’Or. It’s one of those movies that everyone has a strong reaction to, and the fact that a lot of people hate it makes me like it even more. I feel like some experiences become even more valuable when not everyone appreciates them, it somehow makes it more personal and makes you feel like you get it while other people don’t.’

It’s more compelling, but it still doesn’t hit any attraction switches, unless I lie and say I saw the movie with my sexy friend. I think it also makes me look a little pretentious, and if this hooks I feel like it could lead to an abstract conversation and a friend who will never have sex with me.

I said this to one girl and got a decent reaction, she said she knew what I was talking about, asked about the movie and said she would go see it. She left a few minutes later but her friends sort of pulled her away. Is this a good thing to say? Am I on the right track here? After her mediocre response it was the end of that thread of conversation, so I moved on and talked about something completely unrelated. When you’re not getting good responses are you just running through a bunch of prepared stories and prepared “Do you know what I love?” type descriptions related to your mastery topics? Is any of it spontaneous? Do you make any effort to transition smoothly between these?

One of the problems I have is that I think girls who are truly interested in the same things as me are generally not going to be interested in the kind of relationship I want. Should I try to learn about more frivolous things, such as astrology, so I have a better shot with girls who would be willing to have a relationship with little commitment? Or should I stick to the topics I’ve already chosen, and spend more time figuring out how to hit the attraction switches through them?

I was all over the place, but I would greatly appreciate any advice on how to interact with unresponsive girls, especially in the first few minutes.”

My Reply:
Remember what I said in your workshop about attraction switches? It’s not as important that you hit them as it is that you don’t hit their inverse. You don’t have to hammer preselection– although it helps– but you want to avoid seeming deselected, low status, poor, loserlike, etc.
It’s not just, “You know what I love?”
It’s “You know what’s awesome?” and “Check out this crazy thing that happened to me!” and “Wanna hear something cool?”

I’ll ask girls if they like rock music and Metallica and base my decision to divorce them on that. I’ll ask girls if they like South Park or if they read.

I talk about my recent adventures, whatever they are.

[It's not enough to merely show mastery of a topic.] Board games are not verboten, per se, but they are really more reserved for comfort building and after a certain amount of physical escalation has happened. If she already likes you the board game thing CAN ground you, but you’re probably gonna wanna check for nerdiness– I’ll come back to that– if you want to leverage really nerdy shit when dealing with hot girls. I have an encyclopedic knowledge of comics and video games, and I know enough about Dungeons and Dragons to publicly embarrass myself, but I keep that shit under wraps until the girl is hooked, usually after sex. WAY after sex in the case of D&D. It HAS to come out eventually because you are who you are, but you have a lot more power after you’ve made a woman come.

Did we do the exercise in your workshop where you talk for a straight minute about something random? Do that until it’s easy. Transitioning is not just a stage in the emotional progression model. It’s a vital skill you want to hone through repeated interactions. Transitioning is taking the reins of the conversation and moving through areas you care about. Part of this is a simple lack of faith in yourself. A lot of guys have a filter that stops them from saying something stupid. To get good at game you need to cultivate a habit of experimentation, and that means accepting that sometimes or often you are going to say some inane shit. Not everything is going to hit. When that happens, you hold an iron frame (Everything I Say is Right, and Everything is Going According to Plan), and press forward, i.e. transition.

You should also learn how to tease. Or bust on girls. Or neg. Or whatever. It’s not necessarily insulting them– although that can work occasionally– so much as it’s making light of the situation and having fun at their expense in a way that’s similar to the way you might tease your close guy friends.* Look up everything you can on trigger words. Organic conversation/mastery topics are the base of your conversation– 90% of what you say will be just what you want to talk about– but the next level up is teasing and role-playing. You may or may not develop a personal “stack,” but what you develop should revolve around effectively busting girls’ chops and role-playing.

Some light teases you learned in my class that might not seem like teases:
- The Starfish Routine (duh… you stick your HAND ON HER FACE)
- The Lying Game (part of the game is making fun of her for failing)

Harder tease you learned in my class:
- When she says something you don’t like or moderately disagree with, stick your hand in her face and say, “You’re dead to me,”
- If she interrupts you, hold your finger up and say, “Wait your turn, princess,” or “Shhh… Daddy’s talking.”
- Arbitrarily say, “You and I would never get along. We’re too similar. It would just be fights and make-up sex.” I said this to a Korean girl in Seoul this weekend, and she cracked up. Doesn’t have even a remote ring of truth.
- Similarly, “I don’t know who your last boyfriend was, but he didn’t spank you enough.”

You’re a nice guy. You need to hone your edge. If you aren’t generating significant attraction in your sets, it’s probably because you aren’t demonstrating a willingness to walk away, i.e. you aren’t being a challenge, i.e. you’re boring her. Teasing has a lot of functions. It shows you’re willing to test the boundaries of acceptable behavior and you’re unconcerned with losing her. It suggests you have tested these boundaries before and with success, so it suggests preselection. More than all these things, though, it makes you not boring. Boredom, as you may remember from my lecture on attraction switches, is one of the three pieces of girl kryptonite, along with neediness (the absence of preselection or a willingness to walk away) and awkwardness (the lack of social intuition and thus the probable lack of preselection).

Role-playing is one of the other cornerstones of your interaction. For one thing it’s light-hearted and acceptable group behavior. Often, if the girl I’m talking to and I turn to the group or her friend, I’ll say, “We’re getting married,” to initiate a role-play. I can return to this whenever, and it acts as a low-level qualification.

Why?

Because if she is repulsed she’s not going to accept the role. If she accepts the role it provides an excusable context for emotional and physical escalation. After all, you’re married/her teacher/her boss/she wants the grade/she’ll get or lose points. While demonstrating leadership through stories is useful, it’s more important your stories don’t make you seem like a loser. When I talked about leadership as an attraction switch in class, I mentioned it was far more important that leadership inform all your interactions and redefine how you interact with people. Part of this is transitioning and leading her around the venue, as well as the extremely subtle leadership of placing her in a box via force frames and role-plays.

The attraction switches are not merely conversational injections, they’re interaction guides. Yes, they are the lens through which your conversation passes, but more as a filter for lowering your own value.

ADVANCED SHIT
There’s another component to conversational mastery, and that means loving astrology. When it’s necessary.

See, I probably said at some point during your course that it’s not important that you like chocolate or vanilla, but it’s important THAT you like chocolate or THAT you like vanilla. The specifics of your tastes are not crucial, but you need to pick a side. For the long term this means knowing what you like and what you want and sticking to it. Authenticity is the name of the game.

But there’s a game thing I have never really talked about before, which is taking an emotional stance based on empathy. You may not remember my talk on comfort well, but since you read my blog check out my post on Understanding and Identification. If you can see where someone is coming from, you can take a stance and talk about something emotionally engaging to them. You can even gently break rapport this way, but it works well to say you understand. People want to be heard.

(Breaking rapport is weird. You want to do it, but you need to learn how to do it through interaction. Sometimes it’s appropriate to point in her face and say, “Bwa ha ha! Astrology is retarded! What’s wrong with you? Do you have so little conviction in your own agency that you believe the motions of bodies billions of miles away have some influence on your behavior? I lied, my name isn’t Thompson. It’s the fucking tooth fairy, which you probably believe in.” Okay, I got carried away there. But sometimes breaking rapport is a magical, wonderful, powerful tool, and you WILL want to use it on extremely hot chicks. Example lines:

- “Is that because you’re racist/don’t like black people?”
- “So you think you’re better than me.”
- “That’s a great story. I didn’t ask, but thanks for sharing.”
- Yawn and say, “Oh, my God. No. I don’t care.” Yawn again. “Not even a little bit.”)

There’s a time to break rapport and a time to shut up and show empathy. Good luck, and expect girls to get mad.)

I don’t particularly like celebrity gossip, but I understand why people do, the good and the bad reasons. Girls might not think about it– and I’ll rarely voice it unless they’ve said something that suggests that my brain turns them on– but celebrity gossip is a common ground for female emotional associations the same way sports is a common ground for measurable dominance and status competitions for men. I don’t care about sports either, by the way, but I can respect the reasons why guys do, and I can even get enthusiastic talking about teams and matches and players… so long as I don’t have to watch a game, which is, for me, the ultimate cure for insomnia. I dunno, I’m a nerd, but I am still impressed by the athleticism, neuromuscular control, and proprioception on display here.

To talk to people you need to be able to get where they’re coming from. If you want to level with anyone you meet, you need to try to see through their eyes and hear through their ears. Ugh, that’s not quite right. You need to extend yourself and understand why someone else is the way he she is. You can hold your position, but by demonstrating that you aren’t clueless about someone’s life you demonstrate mastery not merely over your world but theirs. David “Asian Rake” Tian has a great article (I mean a GREAT article) that touches on the idea of how mastery of her world can be really sexy to a woman.

I’ve got a lot more, but I hope this sets you off on the right foot. I hope I’ve made it clearer that using the attraction switches is a lot more than just changing the story to include your sexy female friend.

*– Fun Instructor Pet Peeve: Students who are learning to tease and try to break rapport with the instructors. Every instructor just rolled their eyes. Why the fuck would you neg a dude you barely know? “I’m just joking,” is the retreat of the socially clueless or the casually cruel. My friends and I tear into each other because we know one another’s boundaries. You need to develop a sense for when it’s okay to tease, and it’s probably not when you’ve paid someone $3000 to give you expert advice. Not you, TheTrain. I’m just ranting.

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Finally, after years of handling and mishandling Korean women in the United States, I got myself to Seoul following my Singapore workshop. Holy Hell, is that a cool city.

I’m not seeing Korea through rose-tinted lenses at all. It only took a few solid days of picking up the girls there to get a sense of the xenophobia and the differences in sexual culture that would make picking up there a lot harder than a place like Hong Kong or Singapore (or, you know, Las Vegas). Oh, and get this: there’s a large section of the population that doesn’t even speak English, if you can believe such a thing. I’ve been studying Korean (lazily, I admit it) for a while, but seeing just how truly little I knew was humbling in the extreme.

Still, after visiting there, Seoul is right up there with Taipei and Hong Kong on the list of places I’m looking to move in the next year.

I don’t know how much of a write-up I’m going to do of my experiences, because I don’t feel I could do the country justice with just five days in Seoul and three days of approaching the women there, but if anyone’s interested I want to direct people to the resources that helped me really have a great time.

First, Blue Mystery’s blog was instrumental in my knowing what I was getting into with Korean women. When I met the man himself he was just a goddamned fountain of insight. The same goes for his Pickup Asia cohort, RedPoleQ, who had a lot of great stuff to say about body language based game and the way you need to simplify the qualification process when you’re dealing with women who don’t speak much English.

Second, I had a couple great nights and some excellent impromptu wingmanship from the guys at the Chosen Sanctuary, the Seoul lair. Thanks, guys. You’re awesome.

I’ve said many times that Love Systems has a missionary function in the world. We are the antibodies that fight the insidious diseases that slithered into our culture in the aftermath of feminism. Please note that I am not in any way calling feminism itself the disease. That’s ridiculous. As a species we are in many or most ways better off because women are gaining on men in the workplace. That women are kicking men’s asses in college and graduate school classes is probably a good thing. I say probably because it speaks ill of their male classmates, but more women being educated is definitely a good thing (now, dudes, catch up!). Eventually the salary gap will close, and you will see women making more money than men in most places and in most fields, the way that young women’s earnings are outpacing men’s earnings in U.S. hub cities.

Women get equal(izing) opportunity in the workplace, the thrill of a job well done, and the supple feel of a pantsuit. Men get sweet, sweet freedom. In 2008 Kay S. Hymowitz published “Child Man in the Promised Land”, an article in which she describes the growing presence of the man-child. Think Seth Rogen’s character in Knocked Up. Her argument is that today’s man does not take on the traditional roles of the masculine provider. What the article avoids, but what Savoy nailed head-on is that the reason men find themselves in a state of arrested development is because we can. Fifty years ago there were a lot more societal restrictions that prevented a man from letting his id run wild. In that bygone world, if a man didn’t get his shit together and take his wage slave job and get that mortgage, his woman would starve without a roof over her head. It’s hard for a modern man or woman to even imagine that world. As my boss says:

“Society has changed. Women have more power over their own life, and there is less pressure to conform to expectations from family, religion, society at large, etc. So now with more choice on how to life their lives, many women are deciding to do something with their lives other than be the traditional housewife of 50 years ago. It sucks to be a guy today who wants the housewife of 50 years ago, since there are less of them, but people have more choice on how to live their lives now, and that’s a good thing.” (source at The Real Savoy)

Another consequence of the sexual revolution is an epidemic of naivete on the part of both sexes when it comes to love, sex, and romance. Men like me were raised to believe all kinds of lies about how women supposedly behaved, and where the shortcomings of our brothers, friends, and fathers weren’t bad enough, the media was happy to step in. Since Hollywood and show business are traditionally left-leaning, with the rise of feminism came an onslaught of feminist voices in the media. Again, this is a good thing in a lot of ways. I am not a film historian, so I can’t positively identify when slapping a woman was no longer considered an acceptable solution for dealing with her hysteria in the face of crisis, but by the late 70s it was definitely not how grown-ups solved their problems anymore.  At some point we went from this:

to this:

Holy crap is this a good thing, by the way. No matter how funny the first clip is. Even today it’s rare to see a woman in a movie who doesn’t need to get saved by a man, and it’s rare for two women in any kind of fiction to meet without discussing problems they’re having with men. Explicit sexism is verboten in mainstream narrative. If you see a character strike a woman in a modern movie, that character will almost certainly die. On the other hand, the subtler effects of the sexual revolution have hooked into our brains in a way that has left many men stumbling around groping for an explanation and a path through the brambles of modern romance, just as they stumble to find solutions to even basic problems in your average primetime commercial. For the most part the problem is that many men have been neutered, or to use a term more appropriate to this article, emasculated. Love Systems is the antidote, baby!*

While aiding men in dealing with the adjusted world has been Love Systems’s raise d’etre since its creation, women have to contend with other problems as a result of their tremendous success (and their inevitably greater success in the future). Many women find themselves sacrificing their femininity on the altar of professionalism. They chase the brass ring success and have to deal with ugly consequences in terms of their ability to catch men and bear children. All women who want to chase professional dreams are in a dilemma. They don’t want to take time off work to raise children, and they don’t want to settle for any man who doesn’t fit the often unrealistic standards they’ve concocted to match their professional success. Women aren’t the sole proprietors of this retard shop, by the way. I love it when social maladroits with office accounting jobs come to Love Systems with the hope of scoring three 10s in a row on the nights of the workshop. They have watched porn, they have read The Game, and they are ready to get what is coming to them! Can Love Systems help these guys? Absolutely. We can both aid them with the women they are more likely to get AND we can explain the life changes that will need to happen if this guy wants to actually manage a harem of 10s. At least that’s possible for our misbegotten accountant in earlier sentences. Not so for women, who hit a date when a man with other options (i.e. a desirable man) is just not going to give them a second look.

That date is their 35th birthday.

Nasty truth, I know, but that’s the price of success, ladies. I find myself at a  loss when I have to talk around this with single women over 34. As women achieve more success and gather more years their standards for the men rise accordingly. For a 35 year old man, dating a 22 year old undergrad is a cause for celebration– although he’ll have to weather scorn from his married friends and female colleagues. Since women are biologically hardwired to be attracted to those they consider more powerful than themselves, they’re much less likely to find much interest in shallow collegiate waters, no matter how taut the prospective cougar bait’s abs. At the elevated career and age position, a woman is more likely to look for an older, more successful man, i.e. a man who is in a position to choose from our successful woman’s younger competition. It gets kind of ugly here, as these women have trouble finding such a man, which further embitters them, which makes them still weaker competitors; continue this cycle until spinsterhood or cat lady status is reached.

I don’t know what the solution is. I wanted to talk about this phenomenon because I’ve seen it so often and because I’ve had so many depressing conversations with female consultants, advertising managers, directors of operations, and so on, who hear what I do and look at me with a hungry glint in their eyes, orbs suspended above shadowy folds that hide a youth long since faded. These creatures have long since made the shift from girls to women and they can hear the bass pedaltone under my melodious words praising their accomplishments and my (vain) exhortations to keep hope alive. Sadness and defiance gallop across their faces, and I usually excuse myself to the bathroom.

Savoy is writing a Love Systems text for women. It will be published on dead trees and everything. I don’t know if there’s anything in there that can overcome the most basic tenets of man-catching:

1. 1.) GO TO THE GYM!
2. 2.) Apply makeup cleverly, not liberally; wear clothes that flatter your body.
3. 3.) Eat right.
4. 4.) Be flexible toward inherently male qualities.
5. 5.) Cheer up.
6. 6.) Don’t overanalyze goddamned everything.

Boom. Where’s MY book deal?

I have a lot more thoughts, but this is a depressing topic. Good luck to you, ladies.

*- Reality check: Some women might be reading this and wincing from memories of men who had way too many expectations at the end of a dinner he paid for. Some women might be remembering near-rapes or other situations that resulted from a frattish sense of masculine entitlement. Clearly those guys need more Buffy and less Don Draper. Those guys might need Love Systems but for different reasons.